awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I met the friendliest cop last night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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