i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
