my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
