Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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