is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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