Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
