That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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