It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
