after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
