News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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