Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My balls are so social today.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
