Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
