he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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