Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
