can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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