You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
