Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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