I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
