Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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