I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize