my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
