What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
