Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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