can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
