i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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