the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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