Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i was born a porn star she said
Too much gin, very little bucket
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
