last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
