Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize