she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
