First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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