So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I want a musical about memes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
