Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize