All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
