What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My ass is underappreciated
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
