Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
