I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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