This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
