the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
