i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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