I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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