How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
