apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
