I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize