Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
