Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They are going to name an STD after you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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