Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
