Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
