how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
