I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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