Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
