I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am available for nakedness
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