Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
