my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
