she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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