Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
