Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
