At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
