I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We need a shit load of segways right now
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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