If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were trust falling into bushes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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