he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
