remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
