Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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