he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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