my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
