I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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