I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
not ubering you a puppy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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